Dec 31, 2009

The last post of the year:the summary



And this is it. The last post of 2009. And of this blog.Maybe. Might just get all excited tomorrow morning and start another one. 2009.It’s been a blur. A nice one. Some bad parts to it too,but which year is devoid of that?

January-March: The last 3 months in Rishi Valley. Cherishing the last moments together as classmates. As people who would have to leave the carefree surroundings of school and step out into different colleges to make our own careers. I was the only one who chose Media from my batch.People thought it would be good for me. The class song in the farewell, the farewell speeches, Sid M’s moving speech, the last goodbyes for God-only-knew-how-long and it was over.Went to Bangalore after that for a week to spend time with my aunt and bring in my birthday on the 1st of April(DON’T SAY ANYTHING!) there with Trisha,Suj,Zohair & Abhiroop who came down to celebrate with me.Very special.Thank you guys.


April-May:After a trip to Shantiniketan with friends starts a stressful time where I was filling out application forms,giving entrance exams,got through Jain College but decided not to go,got 102 in the SET and hence,assignments to complete before the GD-PI.

June:
KERALA BASH-Pranati,Madhuri,Kutta,Sabu,Abhiroop,Trilok,Babu,Ronak,and I in Trivandrum,Cochin’s Veegaland(Amazing amusement park!!),Kovalam beach,etc.A really nice time.Then, a few of us went to Bangalore to meet others for Sujay’s birthday.Go-karting,pizzas,champagne,and Dark Knight was involved.A great feeling meeting old batchmates again.And after so long.Visited R.V also and came back with Babu & Arya in the car,making Babu almost miss his train because of miscalculation of how long it would take us to get back.Just did it so I’d get more time with them.

Anyway,after that was the SIMC GD-PI!!That went surprisingly well except for the fact that I injured my toe nail on the very first day.aman helped me out a lot...Had his constant faith that I'd get in and both of us would get into the same 'dream college'. Now I get to mock him on that and use the guilt trip for his having praised this unowrthy college so much.After the GD-PI,the wait.And I got in,to my joy!So all the packing and goodbyes again started.

July-December: COLLEGE. The initiation,the new faces,the excitement,the jealousy,anger,love, hate, gossip, friends, events, food, adjustments, assignment submissions,tests,teachers,parties, the trip to Panchgani, the fights, the make ups, the consoling, the crazy girls’ nights outs, the cheer-up pizza sessions after the evil boyfriend dumps your best friend, the wait for the internship,shopping(being forced to go for it!), everything...was an experience. Including the two swine flu breaks in which I went to Calcutta once and Bangalore the other...It’s been fun!


December: Winter in Calcutta after 5 years...It started off very nice.Walking around the streets of Calcutta with my camera clicking photographs, Victoria Memorial, press invites to talks on climate change just because the speaker had visited Rishi Valley and acknowledged knowing me, the good home food you’d missed while in college, PASTA, time to read, family and friends.Sad things happened too. But it’s all right.

The last week however has been annoying. Viral fever because of the cold air of Tolly 24th night!Ugh!Bedridden,constantly taking pills,stomach aches,phone calls and home visits from friends,no sleep at night,soup. And to make matters worse,being delusional and being a singer in World War 2 one instance and in the other,being on a safari and taking on a buffalo all by myself without any weapons and then being gifted the ability to talk to it and to other animals.Yes,such is life.But my friends kept visiting to make it nicer-Naman,Sreeja, Minnie,Thank you! But I have gotten a chance to really bond with Mummy,which has been a gift in disguise.Delirious as I probably am even now,I could write this blog post and though it’s sad that I’m home on New Year’s Eve while the rest of the world enjoys,I can happily say that in retrospect,it’s been a decent year J Let’s hope the next one is as eventful.Cant’s wait for it to come!!!Till then,So long,farewell!I bid you new Adieu! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Dec 26, 2009

I don't remember what I was thinking when I had written this. But found it. So decided to put it up:

Fading memories as I see your face,
This new dimension of feelings I enter into leaves me unconscious of my presence,
A realm of darkness, closing in on me,
I turned to find the now non-existent light,
Claustrophobic, Your thoughts choke me,
Mind and soul alike, numbed,
Till you retreat,
Till you fill up my insatiate soul again.


Dec 23, 2009

Life is so uncertain. One can only watch their back and try and be healthy and try and ensure the same for their loved ones. But when the time comes, there’s no defying Nature, is there? But death is supposed to be beautiful. It is a completion of one’s life. I suppose that completion of a cycle that prevails in nature would be deemed beautiful by some. The feeling of the entirety of life, the overwhelming sense of loss, accepting the fact that someone would no longer physically be in this world must be dealt with grace and immense strength. God, give that strength to those who need it.

Dec 14, 2009

Ashima Aiyer: A Different Melody















This music review was published on a website:

Ashima Aiyer, a twenty three-year-old from Pune currently living in Mumbai, is a singer-songwriter who is creating quite a buzz in the music industry with her unique way of playing her quirky acoustic guitar with strange chords. Her songs have a blend of unique harmonies with intelligent but emotional lyrics and are sung with a powerful voice that commands attention. Her music has been influenced by Dave Matthews Band, Patty Griffin, Coldplay, and Lou Barlow, explaining the different genres that come out in her music like soul, jazz, soft rock, and the blues.
To read the full review, click on the link provided above...Thank you!

Dec 11, 2009

Pune Fair-Age No Bar


On the 9th of December,2009, Nitika, Nila, Varsha and I went to 'The Big Fair' in Kalyaninagar, Pune. It was a typical Mela with the Chaat stall, the rides, the 'khilona ka dukan'(toy shop),a paan shop, stalls selling candy floss, kurtas, chappals, etc...Not everyone was in the best of moods when we got there,and to cheer them up, we went to the toy shop. Mind you, the person we were trying to cheer up was 17, not 4! :) But it worked. She bought herself a laser and was happy, while I bought a mouse which would scamper about when wound and was named Jerry(Original,isn't it?). Pretty realistic though since it did scare my mother. And my sister loved it, but was disappointed that I didn't find a cockroach or a lizard that could be made to move/was remote controlled. She's 25,by the way. Nitika and me went on all the rides that 18-year-olds were allowed on. They cost 20-25 rupees each and were not all worth it since they weren't scary.But it was fun anyway...A different sort of fun from the usual. A must have there is the Manchurian!Without the cabbage leaves to garnish it because it fails to enhance the taste. The fair is on in Pune till the end of January and I will be going there again with friend(s). It's already been decided. Just a date needs to be fixed now.

A new realm

Fading memories as I see your face,
This new dimension of feelings I enter into leaves me unconscious of my presence,
A realm of darkness,closing in on me,
I turned to find the now non existant light,
Claustrophobic,
Your thoughts choke me,
Mind and soul alike,numbed,
Till you retreat,
Till you fill up my insatiate soul again.

Dec 1, 2009

A Salute

The lives of heroes who go to war for their nation. Death in the process. But pride to take back. And many a tales follow about them. Our forefathers.

The venerable sergeant conveyed the order.
The lives of many being downplayed in moments
A shriek fills the air, followed by the mother's wails.
Their lives, quoted as examples, as old mens' tales.

Nov 30, 2009

The Light Bearer

Photograph clicked by me on a walk down Viman nagar:
I look behind and after
And find that all is right,
In my deepest sorrows
There is a soul of light.
-Swami Vivekanand

Nov 29, 2009

Rishi Valley: Family of a sort


The girl second from left wearing my Black Sabbath tshirt is Tejal Johri, a weird person from Varanasi who used to call me 'Duckie' in an obnoxious manner, as can be imitated perfectly by Poopy, her lover.The one on the right with a pink jacket is Chetana Sabnis. She's a freak from Bangalore who used to call me 'Sushipaa'.
These two were my 'Mommy's in my last two years in Rishi Valley. They were loving and caring, would reprimand me when I needed, etc. You know. The whole mother-daughter thing. And would fight over their claim on me too. It was really nice. :) Tejal is now embarrassed by it. Sad.
These two were the ones whom I always paper chatted with. Tejal sat next to me in 12th and my chit to her would have to be passed on to Chetu who sat in one corner, and only when she replied would I get to see the chit again. The three of us waited everyday after Prep with anyone else who would like to join us. We'd sit under the Plumeria tree or in the backyard and talk about the day's happening. We'd tease each other, laugh, cook illegal Maggi, etc together and would always look out for each other in things. Fights would be resolved ASAP because it was too hard.
On Tejal's last night in school, she packed and woke us up at 5 in the morning. Three more hours and she'd be gone. We managed to get up, brush, and get out of Amaltash. The last walk as the three of us in this place. We went to the spot beyond Lost Pond where we'd had a house camp the previous year. We could see the three hills-RishiKonda, Middle Peak and Bodi Konda. We saw the sunrise together. We sat there, discussing how life would change for us. Then, we sat in silence. It was beautiful and overwhelming. We went to Senior School where Madiath took our photograph with his digital camera, something he almost got caught with by Sid M. We then rushed back to the hostel. Tejal went to have her last breakfast while we did her last minute packing. Then, the vehicle came and she said goodbye and left. Poopy and me ran to the gate to say Goodbye once again. It hurt. We knew it would. But there are memories to cherish and a friendship that will never be deterred. I'm just really glad they joined in the 11th! :)
Love you Mommy (1&2)
Duckie/Sushipaa...
I miss you guys!!!

The Pianist


The drama in my life goes beyond words
Yet the music encaptures the breaths I am living for,
My soul,yet unconquered,yearns to touch thee,
But circumstances forbid me from doing so.
The lady next door,the German,plays it herself.
If i did touch thee,I'd be dead.
She hates me without even knowing
My identity(what I knew of it) is dead.

I see you now,I can touch you.
My soul is set free as I do so,
My heart skips another beat,I've been dead so long!
Notes flow through my fingers and my hand gains control of me.
The yearnings of my past years' deaths coming back to me.

Nov 26, 2009

Confused state of mind

Its so easy to relate to what others are feeling because of the universality of emotions. If that be true, is there really anything truly 'unique' in this world? Is there even anything 'original' considering there is a lot that can influence a person to come up with something new, be it an idea, lyrics, a painting. Who gave the right to anyone who 'invented' something to take credit for it? Could it not be possible that someone somewhere had created the same thing, but had not had the means to claim it as his own? Correct me if I am wrong in thinking this way. When someone says that they are non-conformists, are they not conforming to the ideology of non-conformism? I am not propagating it, but why can violence not be justified? Not everyone has to go by Gandhi's " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". Alongside violence comes love-for your spouse, for family, for your country, for your child. You see grave injustice committed against a loved one. Your child is killed by a robber trying to steal a few thousand rupees from your wife's cupboard. He is an innocent six-year-old boy who happened to enter his mother's room because he had been hit by the household help for getting the floor dirty. He only wanted consolation from his mother, who had stepped out to buy vegetables for the house.Instead, he was greeted by the robber, who was not expecting company. In his fear of the boy screaming for help, he shot him. Would the boy's father not want to avenge his son's death, even if it meant more bloodshed? Would that be 'violence' too? Who draws that thin line between right and wrong nowadays? Was just curious to know, since my conscience seems to be failing me of late

Delusional

This poem was based on 'The Reader' (For those of you who have seen it and remember the characters played by Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes). For those who have not seen the movie/do not remember the intensity of the characters, take it just as any other poem.

It bothered him that he had not achieved his dream.

It bothered her that she had been in a delusion the whole while.

A delusion of the love that he seemed to have offered.

Of the vows he pretended to take up.

Of the facade of a happy life together.

Of the umpteen memories,now too distant.

The fading away of once cherished times from her mind spoke for themselves.

She knew that she had been defeated.

All her life,she had taken everything that had come her way.

And now,it would all end.

By any means pursued,she would detatch herself completely,

The last thing she had to do.

Nov 25, 2009

Help!

This is a poem I just found written in one of my note books and decided to put it up.Though the feelings it expresses are in the past, the rush of the feelings again is overwhelming.


Help!

I cannot do this alone

I cannot keep walking the path of knowing.

I want to divert,yet again,

And step into that undiscovered lair,

No proof.

No sense.

A plunge into the world of dark,false hopes,waiting in corners to seize.

I'd rather the smile be shunned,

The only permitted feeling,pain.

For that is the only familiarity in this soulless dirty living.

A part of me ripped out,

Holding on to pathetic memories,and photographs,and scents.

They'll do me no good in the long-run,

My memory will fail me.

That is the fate I deserve,

And what I wish Thee grant me.

Nov 24, 2009

No escape


Entrapped in a world of singularity,

I feel alone, lost in the complexity,

It’s a new world I enter without you by my side.

Its new and scary, the rules I must abide by.

It’s been untold but understood that I must forget you

I despise my fate for having made me ever meet you!

Were you not in my life today I'd be free,

With myself and my thoughts, I wouldn’t disagree.

I'm happy it was you, and I miss the times

That we shared over the days, thirty-nine,

I know I’m selfish but I wish you didn’t leave

From neither me nor others can my pain be conceived.

You've touched a part of me that noone else has

My soul, if I have it, is now yours till my last...


Nov 23, 2009

And I saw her standing there...

The girl I've clicked in the photograph is Megha Bisaria.
Someone who lives in her own world and sometimes forgets how to get back to reality.
A friend, when needed and when she's not.
Funny, in an unconventional sense.
Has many blonde moments but yet, loveable.
Dances AMAZINGLY,especially to Papi Chulo and Head of My Class.
Food taste just like me-a lover of spices, Italian, Chinese, and the like.
Weird, in a good way.
In other words, one of my best friends.
Love you, Meg-Meg(I love embarrassing you. Sorry!)

Complexity/Simplicity

Life is not complex-you just don't see the simplicity in it!Its just funny how no one seems to care about the way their life goes by so quickly.They don't stop to think why they are who they are.They don't realize that being alive is so real!It is a true blessing in disguise.We take the familiar faces in our lives for granted.We hold grudges against people whom we choose to rule out of our lives.We make that extra effort to get some sort of satisfaction by fighting with people whom we then go on to say,do not matter to us.The world is a farce.No one can guess what may happen next and we constantly try and outdo our fate.It is such a pointless and tedious thing to do.Life is not going to stop the bus and wait for one more grumpy passenger.It will simply run over us without our realising it or maybe,if we're lucky,wait for the few lucky who hop on when the door opens,and in a moment's time,closes.That door is then never opened at the same bus stop for the people left behind.In this fast paced world,we either try to live as we are expected to or not bother running after the big yellow bus that is already four blocks down the road.As John Lennon says: "Life is what happens to you when you're too busy making other plans."

Nov 19, 2009

Unforeseen

Underlying the fear within was the deep irony of it all,

To carry the loss be the deed done today,and tomorrow,

For years to come it shall reside in me,

Thoughts so deep one could drown.

In the breathlessness of the moment,emerging from nowhere,

surrounded by the graves unburied,

Conviction needed to accept it.

To bear the loss alone I am willing,

After the decades of rotting,the belief shattered,

The legacy left behind with noone to claim it,

Lost,destroyed in time.

Nov 18, 2009

Murphy's Law: Verified!

Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

Sadly, the law has applied to me one too many a times in life. I won’t be writing about the small incidents like wearing white on a sunny day that suddenly becomes a day with heavy rains, missing the bus by a few seconds, thinking that it is Media Laws class and you can walk in 20 minutes late but finding out that the class was instead taken by your HOD...I’ll write about the major incidents.

To start with the first major injury I still distinctly remember was when I was running up and down my steps in my first house on 12A, Judges Court Road while skipping alternate steps. After doing the same cycle of going up and coming back down a few fifty times, I was a little tired and on my way down, I felt slightly drowsy and lost balance and slipped on the steps closer to the ground than the top. I fell headfirst, bit my tongue in the middle of the process and passed out. I woke up in the hospital room after a few minutes, semi-conscious, and could hear that my tongue had been split into two and the part with the tip was dangling. After they operated on me and when the anaesthesia started wearing off, I was told that I had dissolvable stitches on my tongue to join the two parts once again. The only thing I was pleased about was that my diet would only comprise of ice cream and other soft food items. A stitch in time saves nine??? But what about the fact that a few months after that, my fingernail got stitched as it came under a sewing machine while the tailor worked at home? Murphy at it again, wasn't he?

The next example of how much damage the law caused me was when I was running after my dog, Smiley. I miss her dearly now. When I was 8, she stole my stuffed toy from my hand and was running around the house with it in her mouth. Her rounds of the house included jumping onto the sofa and leaping off. I must admit that I was not a very bright kid and when I tried to save my teddy bear from having its eye’s ripped out; I jumped onto the sofa and leaped with Smiley, forgetting that I would not land on all fours. I slipped, banged my chin against the granite floor, and passed out, as always. Another operation followed after the bleeding reduced, leaving the stitches still visible on my chin. A message for the readers- Please be careful! Keep in mind that you are a human, with 2 legs to walk on and no tail to hang from branches with.

The last incident was in May, 2006. This was one of the more recent episodes on the major scale. I was talking to Saurav Goswami, my handsome back up husband (who is madly in love with Manavi) at around 12.30 one night. I was locking my cupboard door after taking out something and my wrist got stuck in the space to be latched (on the left door of the cupboard) and my skin got stuck and pulled out. A lot of blood was involved. I told Saurav about it and he got freaked because I mentioned that it was bleeding and blood freaks him out! I woke up my mother who started panicking and making calls. Within minutes, my uncle had picked us up and I was taken to a nearby hospital. The skin was folded inside using tweezers and other medical equipments, I was injected with a Tetanus shot ‘somewhere’ and it was finally bandaged. The dressing had to be changed regularly and within a month, the pain had completely receded. Had it been stitched as was required (2nd doctor’s suggestion), there would be no bump on my wrist as is there now as the proof of the efficiency of the damn law! Thanks a lot, Murphy!

Gossip Girl: A victim's story


I thought addictions and withdrawal symptoms apply only to drugs, alcohol, smoking and the like. Such a misconception! My recent addiction to GOSSIP GIRL has definitely proved me wrong! Three nights before my semester examinations began, when I should have been studying, I said to my roommate, “I’ll just watch one episode of it and see what all this fuss is about and stop at that.” She gave me a very knowing, scornful smile and said “Ya OK, Good luck with that.” I was even more eager to watch it with that remark and then, I realised, I could not stop. I lost track of time, lost sleep, refused to study and eat, all to watch 18 episodes of Season 1, each being 42 minutes long. So that’s 18x42=756 minutes=which is around 12 and a half hours. That time was uselessly spent finding out why Nate Archibald cheated on Blair Waldorf for her best friend, Serena Van der Woodsen, who despite her glamorous life, fell in love with Brooklyn’s Lonely Boy Dan Humphrey, whose little sister Jenny was trying desperately to fit in and whose father, Rufus, had dated Serena’s mother, Lily, in the past, who was now getting married to Bart Bass, the father of Chuck Bass, the college’s rich, spoilt playboy!

As is evident from above, I was pretty much hooked till I finished it. I’d stock up on lots of junk food so that I wouldn’t have to go down to the mess for meals and so to say, ‘waste time’. I do not know if it was worth it, but somehow, I did reasonably well in my examinations. I could not make Gossip Girl my incentive to work because the second season was not available for one reason or the other. Thankfully! As soon as the exams ended, however, I got season 2 and the folder with the 25 episodes (25x42=1050 minutes=17 and a half hours) was put onto my desktop. My laptop was only left for the food or the use of the toilet. I sat and watched it religiously screaming out only one or two words like “Bitch!”, “You can’t do that!”, “Awwww”, or other such reactions to the episodes. A sense of completion and achievement filled me when the last episode got over. But then, the paranoia started for the search of the third season. I am not wandering in the corridors of Mhada Hostel, knocking on random rooms, with a pen drive in my hand, hoping that some wonderful human being would be so kind as to give me all the episodes of Season 3 that are already out! Gossip Girl. XOXO

Nov 12, 2009

An Inner Revelation

The mirror I look into reveals nothing,
The girl inside it looks unfamiliar.
In those dark eyes that were once so expressive is a hollow feelings,hidden within the tears;
Tears that fall from eyes that only smile,shed after a long held wait.
As i stare hard,I see you in those eyes,
As i saw you many a time before,
As we sat under the starlit skies,the twinkle in your eyes and mine,
As we parted,the genuine unwillingness to let go.
The eyes that I see now are no longer full of the love that we once shared,
In the seemingly long summer months,
The thought of which i now dread

Survivor

This is the culprit for trying to murder the frog that just escaped it's death on the Sunday morning of 24th September, 2009. Preparations were upcoming exams were not going too well and to take out his anger with himself, 'Anda'-the Rishi Valley football team captain sat down by the pond and starting aiming and throwing pebbles on the frogs in it.Throwing tiny pebbles at the frogs that emerge on the surface is one thing. Taking a pole and prodding it till it dies is another. One message for you,Anda-Live and let live!
The survivor is shown below. At peace with itself and its surroundings.

Love,from the strangest corners.

Everybody has their own story to tell.
This woman who looks so distraught and angry actually smiled when I handed her a chocolate.
To me, she had looked like someone who looked incapable of feeling joy and emotions close to it.I was wrong.
She blessed me and told me that to her, I felt like the daughter she had never been able to receive love from.
I was moved but could not put myself to stay on and ask more questions.To talk to her.Help her.
For some reason, it disturbed me that I felt true motherly love from a stranger.
I shall go back someday and find her and thank her and give her what she deserves.
I can almost see her waiting at the corner of that deserted lane for her new found daughter to come back.

Strawberry fields forever...


Nikita Sarin. Another date?It would include taking the next bus out of here, go to Mapro, order THIS, go visit strawberry fields,go on crazy rides and devour Margarita pizzas together. Tempted much?
:)

For those who don't know, this is Nikita. Worth sharing your strawberries & cream with,isn't she?


Society (lyrics by Eddie Vedder)





Oh, it's a mystery to me
We have a greed with which we have agreed
And you think you have to want more than you need
Until you have it all you won't be free

Society, you're a crazy breed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

When you want more than you have
You think you need...
And when you think more than you want
Your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place
Because when you have more than you think
You need more space

Society, you're a crazy breed
Hope you're not lonely without me...
Society, crazy indeed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

There's those thinking, more-or-less, less is more
But if less is more, how you keeping score?
Means for every point you make, your level drops
Kinda like you're starting from the top
You can't do that...

Society, you're a crazy breed
Hope you're not lonely without me...
Society, crazy indeed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

Society, have mercy on me
Hope you're not angry if I disagree...
Society, crazy indeed
Hope you're not lonely without me...

Oct 7, 2009

Reflections



She looked into the mirror and saw what the rest of the world saw her as. She was a victim and the scars and bruises were a proof of this. Her eyes gave her away. The once playful and vivacious eyes now looked down at the ground, shooting suspicious glares at passersby on the road. The same people who had had the option of helping her on hearing her cries and screams. Instead, they chose to turn a deaf ear to the screams or worse, play the role of onlookers. She looked away from the mirror in the shop and continued walking.

She stopped in front of the police station but found herself unable to go in and lodge a complaint. She knew that all those who were in there to ‘protect society’ were men. Men like the ones she had tried to push off herself as they lunged themselves onto her. Men who had no respect for their own mothers and sisters. Men who had lust in their eyes. She walked to the nearest pharmacy and considered buying tablets that could spare her parents the disgrace that they would have to face if she went home. Instead, she bought herself a pack of Band-Aids and tried concealing the bruises that were visible to the public eye.

The pain was far from receding now and she yearned to have a roof over her head-a familiar space without strange invaders of her privacy and body. A home to feel love once more. Just the emotion. Nothing physical.

She walked all the way home, without stopping to rest, choosing the harder option of bearing the pain rather than seeking help. She turned the key and entered the hall. She could hear her parents in their room. She walked past it and went to her room, locking the door behind her. She lit a cigarette and took a long drag. It hurt her. She took off her dirty clothes and walked towards her cupboard to take out her nightdress.

She saw herself in the mirror and began to cry. She could no longer face herself .She felt a loss of identity. She backed away from her cupboard in haste. She was scared and disgusted. She threw her phone at the mirror with all her pent up hatred vented into that throw. The glass shattered and she collapsed onto her bed, crying.

Oct 2, 2009

On his blindness

He walked the road with the cane in one hand
He got pushed down and struggled to stand again.
The world could only jeer and dissuade
The gift of sight taken, bearing double the weight.

Blissful Oblivion?

A carefree oblivion to the incident.
Too young, too naive to understand the intensity.
A believer of the tall tales told to her
A cover up of the brute reality.
Now, of a knowledgeable age is she.
Aware of the once oblivious times.
Aware of the owner of the room she stays in.
Aware of the house that never became a home.
Aware of the detachment she had from them.
Yet, unaware of who gave her the life she now leads.

Sep 23, 2009

Fish Spa


I had a strange experience on 23rd September,2009 during my one week stay in Bangalore thanks to the swine flu spreading in my college back in Pune. My mother, sister & I passed the Kenko fish spa on our way to lunch and the concept intrigued us. We decided to see what this strange spa had to offer. To our delight, we found out that it was nothing disgusting but all we had to do was to dip our feet for a minimum of 10 minutes into a tank full of very pretty fish as can be seen in the photograph above. The money was paid, our feet were washed with astringent and then...We dipped our feet in. It felt like I had put my foot on a vibrating machine of some sort. The hungry little nibblers started doing what they were supposed to and apparently ridding me of the dead skin on my feet. It was a strange and slightly disgusting feeling if you shook your foot even a little bit because they would disperse and then come back in full force. After the first few minutes, I became more relaxed and tried not to make any sudden movement. It was quite effective as a pedicure,I suppose, because the feet did feel softer and looked a lot nicer after I took my feet out. The gross part was the dead fishes on the water surface.Apparently can't be helped though. Well, anyhow, a nice new thing to try out. And cheaper than a pedicure at a salon anyway! :) Try it!

Sep 21, 2009

Paradox

There is now a blur hovering around the once sure self. There are questions that are perplexing the mind. There are statements passed backed by no rationale. There are dreams that will not be fulfilled. There are hopes that are going to be dampened. There are births alongside deaths. There are always images that can be interpreted in ways other than the creator’s way. There are differences within you. There is enough in this world to influence you. But you may not get influenced. You may not succumb.

There will always be new beginnings and even, unfinished endings.

Complete your life story yourself. Don’t let someone pull your strings as though you were their little puppet. It isn’t much fun. Be your own puppeteer. Control. Aim. Achieve.

Sep 7, 2009

To Y-Y (Yashvita)


On August 21st, my roommate Yashvita aka Y-Y and I, Ro-Ro were stuck in Room 327 in the college girls' hostel the whole day. The boredom finally got to us and then, we started having status wars on Facebook based on silly things the other person said because their brain stopped functioning because of the inertness that day! The names are given to show whose status it was.

The first attempt to hide her stupidity was with this status on Yashvita's profile.What she said WAS funny:

Yashvita Bhasin:
TO EVERYONE who has read Ro-Ro's status:it went like this. I kept bringing in ADITHYA into things,because she was going on and on about farmiville and bugging me so i bug her with ADITHYA. and consequently she wondered why i bring him up. cuz she was getting annoyed.in the good way. SO i went all- "you do farmville with me i do HIM with you." it implies NOTHING else. ah.this was long!!!


Rohini Kejriwal:
The following happened one evening when Yashvita decided to check out what the fuss was about Farmville: On hearing a chicken, she thought it was a dog! On hearing a sheep, at different attempts to guess what it was, it was a horse, a cow AND a pig according to her! When I downloaded a sound clip of a cow moo-ing and played it for her, 5 minutes later, she said "Oh! It was atually a cow!!" :D


Rohini Kejriwal: Yashvita just saw the photo of a parrot and said "Dude, that's a pidgeon!". When I looked at her in disbelief, she said to me " I don't like birds. Just shut up."


Yashvita Bhasin There's a new way to keep time in RO-RO land.she said the following-"dude,i can tell time is passing slowly" i ask really? she says,ya.i can tell cuz my crops are growing too slowly."


Yashvita Bhasin: RO-RO TRUCE?


Yes, after a while of making her persuade me, she got what she wanted. Later that night, we were chatting in the hostel and i was suffering from extreme boredom.However, this sweet wall post ahead made my day! :0


Yashvita Bhasin: so,you've just gone to sleep next to me.
i want to say i love you.
and that you make my day/night BEYOND ADORABLE.and i love you,no matter what.
i have all the patience in the world for ALL your phases.

Sep 5, 2009

New

I am in a state of utter confusion. There is too much newness in my life-new faces, feelings;unfamiliarities; vomit clean up sessions; a strange perception of reality; new ambitions, wants. The new feelings especially scare me because they leave me feeling lost and even downtrodden sometimes. Even the strange academic subjects like Radio & Communication instead of the earlier ones like Mathematics & English & Economics, which I actually miss studying now. 'Dust In the Wind' plays in the background, bringing about another weird sensation in me because, for once, I find myself keenly listening to the lyrics and they seem to be reflecting my feelings:

"All we do
Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind"

Suddenly, things I've been dwelling on seem to make too much sense for my own good. Still, some things don't make sense-like the seemingly 'normalcies' in my life that I cannot fathom as 'normal'; recent circumstances and decisions that seem irrational to me but rational to most; ways to deal with particular situations one might be faced with in life; and other things that I can't figure out...I might be weird or normal. It doesn't even matter.Three more years to go. Time will tell.

Aug 12, 2009

Man's Best Friend


For all that counts, I do still miss you. I can't go and say that to anyone because I don't know how many you did impact by your being, despite no words. But you mattered a lot to me. The first time I set my eyes on you, timid, cooped away in the corner of a cage, I wanted to keep you. I was 5. Small flat on Gariahat. You'd even fit into Papa's boots! Once, you ran down when someone left the door ajar. We got the fright of our life seeing you on the road, scared, unprotected. I made you a card to apologize. I still keep it. I remember bringing you to the house we now live in, where you took leave.Or more so, were made to. But it was for your own good. You should not have suffered so. All the times when I just needed to hold something, it was you. I'd whisper silly things as a child into your ears when I felt I had no one. But you were there. I didn't realize it till I grew slightly older. You were even my roommate in the Doll House I constructed. With your own black and gray blanket & red and brown jacket. We both had Hydrophobia at first. I eventually got past it. You did not. But I tried to help you get over it. Some things never change. You'd fight with me over pebbles. You killed the mouse that jumped out of the A.C on the neighbour's doormat! You never did like them, did you? Why was there a mouse in the A.C again? I'd love seeing you run across the big field in the college nearby. I never did have as much stamina as you did! Never failed to amaze me. Your green bowl for the rice and the remnants of the sweet or the cookie crumbles or the milk. Your lovely brown eyes. Your bad ear, flopped down in the cutest manner with the other one standing up at the ring of the door bell. Your running and barking at whosoever it was. The umpteen bites I deserved for putting my hands in your mouth. Your eating biscuits off my head. Your licking my face when I'd wake up. Your jumping onto the bed and making your way to flirt with the German Consulate dog whose name started with an 'L'. Your apparent shyness towards the street dogs!
The last time I saw you before I drove off in the car and went to school. The hug I suspected I would never receive again. The disappearance of the hair, the fat, the energy. The call that told me that it was better for you. That you would not have to suffer anymore. That at your age, operating would be more painful and risky. Holding onto the receiver awaiting the news of your demise. The emptiness and guilt being so far away, not having had the chance to say Goodbye. The love that came rushing knowing that it would never be the same. The unwillingness to enter a house again where no barks welcomed me, no jumps & licks to make my day. The visit to the grave. The gravestone with your photograph and words to hope that your new home is nice enough. The hope that you are okay up there. I'm not,down here. But if you are, it's fine. I miss you,though.
Much love,
:)

Jun 14, 2009

"When we are in deep sleep, we are apparently dead to the world.

But Death is eternal sleep."


May 25, 2009

Rishi Valley Times

*Country Roads-John Denver playing in the background*
As I sit on the windowsill & look at the raindrops falling off the leaves on the trees swaying in the wind,I am taken back to Asthachal on one rainy Saturday in Rishi Valley,my own little paradise on Earth.Sitting there by myself & just thanking whosoever's plan it was to send me there.The dark skies,my illegal Ipod playing my favourite songs,a pen & a paer in hand but nothing to write.Just sitting there on the wet rocks after the downpour in awe of the beauty of the hills.
Astha
And then,taken back in time,to the prettiest evening on Astha!I stayed back after everyone had gone from "Astha"(15 minutes of silence on a particular hill every evening..It's beautiful!) & went & sat on my favourite rock.It always provides me with an amazing view.That evening,to my left were the silhouetted three Kondas(Rishikonda,Middle Peak & Bodikonda)looking majestic as ever.Straight ahead was a forest fire near Red Rocks. The full moon in the sky amidst the dark ominous clouds added to the perfection.I ran home & dragged Nehal back with me,in her lovely pink pyjamas!!When we got there,she noticed something to our right-two more forest fires on the adjoining hills.Altogether,a most fantastic experience!

Now,I recollect myself walking to the K Tree(a banyan tree under which the philosopher & founder of my school,Krishnamurthy,used to sit)with Gagan,Sujay,Hari & Sabu on a hot afternoon in February,2007,during our study holidays.When we were supposed to be studying for our boards,the 5 of us retards would be sitting/sleeping in the shade of that tree on our stone benches(each had one where we'd sit regularly)cracking silly jokes, talking about life/family/food,etc(nothing study related-a rule),bitching about people flirting with the "respective other"s or simply jumping off the tree onto a pile of stacked leaves to feel worthy of being knighted.As Hari once advised me,"If you ever see a banyan tree,think of us,climb it & let yourself go wild!".I shall,Knight of Hibernation!

In my head,I am on my hike to Bodikonda. Zohair,the nice guy that he is,is offering to carry my bag because I,as usual,am falling!Backwards,that too,which adds to the agony of Abhiroop,who is behind us.I am determined to make it to the top myself without any help,but at one point, Poopy insists & I give it to him.Next,I see myself walking with Athang & Sneha. Athang & I following our tradition of singing random songs on hikes.We now find out that Sneha despises our songs.She says that I am better than Athu but I shall not stand this insult of my singing partner!We sing louder, now joined in Babu, Rajan & Arya(who I accidentally walk into a hook thorn bush with!).The poor girl is subjected to mental torture & finalls runs to Madhuri or Radha for help.We are overjoyed with our victory & now start counting the number of times I trip on the hike.Babu tries to beat my number but alas! I prevail as the winner.Clumsiness is just my thing!

Prep time-supervised studying for 70 minutes in the evening every weekday.Torture for restless kids like me!I tear a piece of paper from my commerce notebook which I never use & write something silly & pass it to Tejal(Mommy 1-calls me Duckie).I am very bored,as usual.She curtails her laugh so that Mitraji does not find out,writes something in it( a reply to what I wrote) & then,passes it to Chetana(Mommy 2-calls me Sushipa) who is seated far away from the two of us.Chetana replies & then,again Tejal,and then me,and then...The viscious cycle continues till the one who is passing it for us gets annoyed or till we get caught or till we hear the lovely bell that tells us that dinner awaits us,whichever is first.Then,the 3 of us walk to the DH(Dining Hall) after cribbing because one of us made the other 2 wait for some reason or another.

Dinners.The best meal according to me,though many would disagree & choose dull lunch!Grab a plate & "butt into the line" to get food faster! Being a senior helps as we can TRY(in my case) to bully my juniors sometimes!It is a special day for me.I see it there being served so sparingly by the Pappamakkas.The look & smell of the Gobi Manchurian on these rare Saturdays(twice or thrice a term)gets me hyper!I take my share & Babu comes & gives me his share in exchange for the paneer I gave him on Thursday!"Today is my lucky day",I sing.Next walks in Sharat,entering the DH late & walking like a stud!He is a football stud after all..I catch his eye & ask "First for yours?!" with pleading eyes.It has become a mutual understanding now.He either nods(& I get the whole share) or mouths "Half".I run to DP(Deshpande Sir) & I'm now on Cloud 9 as I am getting his Gobi too.I sit,thank my well wishers who gave me their shares,& eat it all up without talking much(Surprising since it's me & I love to talk!).If I can eat more,I take extras from the counter.I wash my plate,swing for a while with Kiran or Nehal and go home,rush to my bed & have a good night's sleep with a big smile on my face.

Who was he?


This is a poem about a very close friend of mine who would think like a very mature person, well beyond his age.He was very unique & different as compared to his friends but he still did have to fit in.I hope he can find the strength to be the him I once knew.

Feeling so intense yet can act not on it.
Shunning society in his mind but adamant to comply.
He sees himself yet will part with the sight,
He knows he can but pretends otherwise.
He may not give in to changes,
He can take things in his stride,
But will not.
She can hope that he holds on to the man she once knew.
A numbing silence follows,piercing the heart.

Unplanned End

Catch me by the hand before I fall completely into darkness where I can't even see myself,
The path you led me through has left me lost and confused as to which way to go,
You leave me no choice but to keep walking,hoping fot the best and wishing you were here,
Even so,I sometimes wish you were'nt here,
Because you reside in my thoughts,so very clear.
I've dreamt a dream which is far from real,
My fairy-tale ending which I shall never see...
To a glimmer of hope I still hold on,
for what real hope? Those that are gone?
Where did I go wrong and what did I do?
That this fate lies ahead of me,where I am not with you.
Dont answer that question,I must answer it on my own,
I shall some day find the answer,and till then I am alone.

Mummy-A Tribute

My first call to her kept ringing for 45 seconds.
She did not pick up.
Second call-26 seconds.
Panic seized me.
Without caring about what could adorn my feet, I ran down the steps,2 at a time, all the while, trying her line persistently.
Still no reply.
The worst thoughts cross one’s mind when they know that a loved one might be suffering in the brewing storm outside.
Fear. Loss. Suffering. Love.
When we do not have contact with that person after being so used to their presence, it gives us shivers down our backs.
I didn’t care about the trees falling all around me and the shattering of the glass.
I held the trees for support on my way out, with the wailing wind & the slaps of rain against my face.
The call got through & she said that she was in front of a shop close to home, walking it till here because the car got stuck in the storm.
That shop is not too far from outside my building & her claim was false as I could not see her in the maroon kurta she had left the house in this morning from afar.
I held on tightly to the gate and looked around me at the road ahead.
There was at least one tree fallen every 10-15 feet, peoples’ umbrellas were turned upside down as the velocity of the wind was so strong, desperate looks on the few people on the road dying to get home to their loved ones.
I strained my eyes to the left to see as far ahead as I could against the rain.
I finally saw her coming.
Approaching as fast as she could with wary steps.
Not too pleased to see me down there that way as she came closer & saw me drenched, clutching on to the iron gate of the building, with a worried look on my face.
Though she realized that my action was justified.
I hugged her & together, we came back home to the warmth of familiarity.
I love you,Mummy.
Happy Mother's Day


This is my entry for the BlogAdda Mother's Day Contest : http://blog.blogadda.com/2010/05/05/mothers-day-tribute-to-your-mom-contest


My design choice is: http://www.pringoo.com/custom-designs/did-16695/ppid-44#widget

May 13, 2009

Movement


This photograph was taken from a train from Chennai to Kerala!

The man in purple pants stares at us
A squeal of laughter followed by sushing.
The silly kid on the opposite berth cries persistently.
At a distance,you can hear the tea seller.
In his brown uniform,the standardised call bellows loud and clear," Chai Chai".
Looking outside,it is pitch dark.
Inside,however,the lights are on.
People on their phones being loud enough to ensure that the woman in the last compartment hears.
A fat woman in a bright parrot green saree gets stuck in the door!
We all silently laugh as she turns sideways and helps herself out.
And all this time,despite the screaming and commotion,
Despite the hundreds of private conversations going on around me,
Despite the occasional stench on the opening of the door from the toilet,
The train moves on,
Constant pace and constant motion

Absolved

The nearer I came to the allotted day,
The closer I came to reality.
The further away from my healthy lover,
The nearer to the many who died before me.
Similar deaths.
The closer I am to them,
The better am I understood than I was in this life.
Ailing friends passed away before second meetings.
The healed only pity.
I am unaware of the sense of dying
But the fatalistic air lingers around me with its scent.

May 11, 2009

Confused thoughts

My life is like a soap-it keeps slipping out of my hands! I have no control over my emotions,tears,thoughts,words..nothing!But somehow,this lack of control and feeling of being unaware of what may have been,rejuvenates me.The malice itself,brings an uncertain element to my life.I hate and yet,love,and find the need to have fights in order to bring out my negative points.Jealousy incites in me a certain excitement,which cannot die out in screams far away.I can absorb enough love and yet not feel loved.I'm scared to love so much that it chokes the person.
Some people feel that they are not worthy of being loved and keep trying to connect to their past.We've become passive!Our race should die because we take things for granted but we are not rightful owners of this life!We're submissive creatures in life because we're too scared to fight for it!I question who I am and why I feel such things?!To realize who we really are,we must unmask ourselves before the mask becomes us.Why lead a life of pretense?Why portray that we are not afraid and are strong when our shields were let down ages ago?"Fear is not a bad medicine if felt in the right dosage".


Your time has come to go deeper
Your final journey's just begun
Your destiny chose the reaper
No fear.
Destination Darkness
-No Fear-The Rasmus

May 10, 2009

Prayer Before Birth-Louis MacNeice

This is one of my favorite poems ever!The poet uses the image of a child(a representation of the future generation)expressing his fear about being born into a world
where the human race is so savage as is portrayed in the poem.It shows how humans are born innocent and are corrupted
in their lives here.Birth is used as a metaphor for the awakening into the ways of the world.
It can be viewed as a prayer to God or humanity-an appeal for a worthwhile and natural life free from the threats of terror,
pretentiousness,conformity,barriers,loss of individuality,a world scourged by pollution,manipulation,etc...
I hope you like it..
............................................................................................................................................................
I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
when they speak me, my thoughts when they think me,
my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
my life when they murder by means of my
hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take when
old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
waves call me to folly and the desert calls
me to doom and the beggar refuses
my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,
Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
one face, a thing, and against all those
who would dissipate my entirety, would
blow me like thistledown hither and
thither or hither and thither
like water held in the
hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

Apr 28, 2009

Unanswered


Over time,he drifted away from her.He would remember her face everyday and the time they'd spent but the time he gave to this was stifled over time. He knew not whether he was of any importance to her or just another acquaintance but he held on to hopes of the former.He tried to tell himself that he mattered but on the day she left him without saying a word,he knew.The build-up to this had been far from hidden.The fights,the loss of passion,the oblivion.It all dawned upon him now that she had gone.He had always admired her beauty though he now found out that she had never been able to read or write.That did not change things.He now understood her.She had never opened up to him or anyone her whole life but here she was,fully revealed to only him.The others who were to decide her fate did so at the girl they knew at face value.Can we ever blame someone who is unaware of how blatantly they are being manipulated?The innocent are framed for things they do not even do and some are too ashamed of their inability to retort or stand up for themselves.They suffer for no fault of theirs.They are scarred for life and cannot heal the wounds.The dead do not come back so even if the innocent are imprisoned,nothing comes of it.
The morality of fellow humans is tested by people holding a piece of paper that allows them to do so.One should stop and test their own morality first before pointing fingers.It is so easy to pass on the brunt of the blame but to take it on behalf of everybody involved knowing that it could cost you your life,brave!Morality is the highest standard for human behavior. But you can not understand what is moral before you understand human behavior and what is good and what is right. It is also based upon self-understanding because if you do not understand yourself, you will not be able to understand others, their behavior and the nature of being human. It is human nature that creates what we are and our rules for behavior.
There is a story called "Punishment" by Tagore in which conflicting emotions of a girl,framed for murder,by her own loved ones,leads her to the noose by her own will.How do people live with a safe conscience knowing that their doings have cost someone their life?I wish I had answers to questions like that.Or what is the value of being alive?I've tried my best to analyse human beings and figure out these things but in vain.Even Google doesn't have the answers.If you do,please tell me!