Absolved

The nearer I came to the allotted day,
The closer I came to reality.
The further away from my healthy lover,
The nearer to the many who died before me.
Similar deaths.
The closer I am to them,
The better am I understood than I was in this life.
Ailing friends passed away before second meetings.
The healed only pity.
I am unaware of the sense of dying
But the fatalistic air lingers around me with its scent.