Jan 9, 2011

Finding You

I hope to see you again.
I hope you will remember me.
I hope that you will remember you.

I said my Goodbye. It was not something new and this had been done every time I left town for boarding school/college. But this time, it felt more like a Goodbye than it ever had in the past. I walked away, not allowing the tears in, cherishing the moment that had just gone by, hoping that there would be another moment like this five months later. I walked to the swing, hesitating with each step, knowing what getting onto it could do. You face your sweetest memories as a part of a nightmare sometimes.

One kick, and I was off. My feet dangling from mid-air as I started swinging under the starfruit tree. I looked up and realized how much the tree had grown. I looked at my hands clutching onto the swing and realized how much I had grown. The tiny hands had been replaced by bigger ones that had learnt the power of taking things into one's own hands, the carefree girl who used to swing once upon a time now had too many things to worry about, the childhood that she was still trying to live in wasn't going to come back.

An intangible loss. A loss which may not be a loss but it feels like it is. As much as you'd try, there's no finding it again. The seemingly only shot you have to come remotely close to what was is to find yourself. Perhaps. Hopefully.