The mere presence of his body over mine felt strange
A presence that I knew many others before me had felt
It felt sick knowing that I would be the next victim
The fascination, however, still remained, making me only sicker.
The beads of sweat from his forehead fell on my exposed body
Too many thoughts went through my brains at that moment
Unfit and unworthy of being remembered then
All I could do was to hope it would be over soon
And that the pain would not be too much.
Then, he entered it into me.
The blood oozed out of me spilling over the land I once tread on.
I lay there.
Motionless.
He looked satisfied.
Another victim to his name.
More money in his pocket.
I am the goat that the butcher killed with his knife today.
26 comments:
That's a good one. I like it. :)
the money part bring in the revenge rape kinda situation until the last line. something like, ex-lover pays crook to rape the girl who then gets paid for the act.
initially i thought the victim was fascinated and hence thought good girl up for bad guy, but my bad. read it wrong.
yes, the human mind is a perverted one.
good use of this fact.
man its really unsettling. even that video abt nestle and rangutans man. its jst scary i cant think of anything else.
ur writing is soo powerful its as if im watching it happening man.
really well said/written gal. as always, doesnt fail to impress me
Good stuff, Sounds serious but the last line makes it a bit humorous.
The human mind is a twisted one. Rather strange. Does things you wouldn't otherwise. With no regret. Until retrospect. But, that is the beauty.
After all, at the end of the day. One human to another.
Friend, lover or nothing else.
Extremely powerful...and very vivid. An excellent piece of writing.
did that video u showed us inspire you to write this? its so directly written. simple, yet it leaves us with such a strong thought.
nice....liked the way have u viewed it...itz something i read very interesting after Ralph Hodgson's "Stupidity Street"...
really amazing.
Firstly...i thought it to be A Pregnant Woman.
- n i was wrong.
love it.
hahah.. rohini...
nice nice.. very good.. leaves the reader saying o damn...
I like how everyone's thoughts are waking up in terms of writing towards the end of the sem, like more dark and gruesome than negative.
So descriptive:)
Also, what prompted this?
rohini,
awesome.
loved it to the core.
It is in its entirety, a beautiful thought that hopefully grips the concerned, time and again. It isn't shocking. It isn't exemplary. It is just there. And somewhere I, personally think this happens to every individual at one point of time. Just lying there and thinking no matter if you are in it because of want or needs, out of love or out of money. It happens.
But on a different note all together, I wish it was more poetic or maybe even more prosaic, i.e. just having taken up one of the forms completely. Might have been more effective and possibly hard hitting.
=)
oh my, this is kind of horrifying for me. But well written. I wonder how many other victims are out there.
I liked the way you took a clichéd theme and wrote it in an unclichéd almost detached way. Thats what makes the piece effective.
good good... i thought it was something else right until the end. ;)
just like everyone else i too was thinking of something else until the end.....
but it was really nice!
and what made you think of something like this?
Well,thanks everyone.
The thing is, when I started writing it, I wanted to make it sound wrong so that the one-track mind that we have gets active and makes it sound like a player using another girl and making her lose her virginity.But in the end, it was to be about animal slaughter.However, it came to be more like rape being spoken of. Or as Sap rightly said, a pregnant woman's trauma. The different perspectives should help you think of it in different possible lights.
Love the way you wrote it... though the concept was good when written it could have gotten fucked up but you pulled it off. when you read it, it fits. Thats what makes this one good, there are no flaws in the caparison(for the lack of better word)
Its great...!!!
Extremely diverse post. The run up to the end was nice, kept me guessing where you were going. The blood oozing it sort of made me realize you were heading elsewhere. But good one.
The way the image depicted by your poetry oscillates from the physical abuse to the animal slaughter is simply amazing. And if someone does feel that physical abuse was not as obvious as it seemed to be at start, then he must be telling a lie. ;-)
I also thought it was a post on physical abuse.
"All I could do was to hope it would be over soon
And that the pain would not be too much.
Then, he entered it into me."
I like how the poem has that 'twist' in the end, although once I read the last line, it was slightly disturbing.
Well written....
superb post !
Rohini...you might want to check out one I wrote with a similar concept...
http://rant-avenue.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-journey-marriage-divorce-subsequent.html
Lovely poem =)
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