Absolved

The nearer I came to the allotted day,
The closer I came to reality.
The further away from my healthy lover,
The nearer to the many who died before me.
Similar deaths.
The closer I am to them,
The better am I understood than I was in this life.
Ailing friends passed away before second meetings.
The healed only pity.
I am unaware of the sense of dying
But the fatalistic air lingers around me with its scent.

Confused thoughts

My life is like a soap-it keeps slipping out of my hands! I have no control over my emotions,tears,thoughts,words..nothing!But somehow,this lack of control and feeling of being unaware of what may have been,rejuvenates me.The malice itself,brings an uncertain element to my life.I hate and yet,love,and find the need to have fights in order to bring out my negative points.Jealousy incites in me a certain excitement,which cannot die out in screams far away.I can absorb enough love and yet not feel loved.I'm scared to love so much that it chokes the person.
Some people feel that they are not worthy of being loved and keep trying to connect to their past.We've become passive!Our race should die because we take things for granted but we are not rightful owners of this life!We're submissive creatures in life because we're too scared to fight for it!I question who I am and why I feel such things?!To realize who we really are,we must unmask ourselves before the mask becomes us.Why lead a life of pretense?Why portray that we are not afraid and are strong when our shields were let down ages ago?"Fear is not a bad medicine if felt in the right dosage".

Your time has come to go deeper
Your final journey's just begun
Your destiny chose the reaper
No fear.
Destination Darkness

-No Fear-The Rasmus

Prayer Before Birth-Louis MacNeice

This is one of my favorite poems ever!The poet uses the image of a child(a representation of the future generation)expressing his fear about being born into a world
where the human race is so savage as is portrayed in the poem.It shows how humans are born innocent and are corrupted
in their lives here.Birth is used as a metaphor for the awakening into the ways of the world.
It can be viewed as a prayer to God or humanity-an appeal  for a worthwhile and natural life free from the threats of terror,
pretentiousness,conformity,barriers,loss of individuality,a world scourged by pollution,manipulation,etc...
I hope you like it..
............................................................................................................................................................
I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
   club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
   with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
      on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
   to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
      in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
   when they speak me, my thoughts when they think me,
      my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
         my life when they murder by means of my
            hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take when
   old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
      frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
          waves call me to folly and the desert calls
            me to doom and the beggar refuses
               my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,
Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
   come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
   humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
      would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
         one face, a thing, and against all those
            who would dissipate my entirety, would
               blow me like thistledown hither and
                  thither or hither and thither
                     like water held in the
                        hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.
                                                   

Unanswered

Over time,he drifted away from her.He would remember her face everyday and the time they'd spent but the time he gave to this was stifled over time. He knew not whether he was of any importance to her or just another acquaintance but he held on to hopes of the former.He tried to tell himself that he mattered but on the day she left him without saying a word,he knew.The build-up to this had been far from hidden.The fights,the loss of passion,the oblivion.It all dawned upon him now that she had gone.He had always admired her beauty though he now found out that she had never been able to read or write.That did not change things.He now understood her.She had never opened up to him or anyone her whole life but here she was,fully revealed to only him.The others who were to decide her fate did so at the girl they knew at face value.Can we ever blame someone who is unaware of how blatantly they are being manipulated?The innocent are framed for things they do not even do and some are too ashamed of their inability to retort or stand up for themselves.They suffer for no fault of theirs.They are scarred for life and cannot heal the wounds.The dead do not come back so even if the innocent are imprisoned,nothing comes of it.
The morality of fellow humans is tested by people holding a piece of paper that allows them to do so.One should stop and test their own morality first before pointing fingers.It is so easy to pass on the brunt of the blame but to take it on behalf of everybody involved knowing that it could cost you your life,brave!Morality is the highest standard for human behavior. But you can not understand what is moral before you understand human behavior and what is good and what is right. It is also based upon self-understanding because if you do not understand yourself, you will not be able to understand others, their behavior and the nature of being human. It is human nature that creates what we are and our rules for behavior.
There is a story called "Punishment" by Tagore in which conflicting emotions of a girl,framed for murder,by her own loved ones,leads her to the noose by her own will.How do people live with a safe conscience knowing that their doings have cost someone their life?I wish I had answers to questions like that.Or what is the value of being alive?I've tried my best to analyse human beings and figure out these things but in vain.Even Google doesn't have the answers.If you do,please tell me!

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

I'll make the most of all the sadness

You'll be a bitch because you can

You try to hit me just to hurt me

So you leave me feeling dirty because you can't understand

We're going down,and you can see it too

We're going down,and you know that we're doomed

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

I don't have what I need to feel strong and not alone.I am just going to take this road I have already started walking on for the place where I started from is now too many miles away.I have nowhere to go.I bear a life within me,an energy that's keeping me going.The last remainder of the zest I once had.I walk alone in the dark,not searching for anything,but hoping to move on.Treading on these strange paths of life is odd and hard without you.It hurts to take these steps ahead but I compel myself to.If there is another person in your life,you may as well be happy.Be happy enough for both of us.I cannot do it anymore for my memory has conveniently failed me.You've left me in a state where I know not the next right to take,whom to trust and confide in,whom to blame but myself.You were all that I had.I have struggled enough to make this work but I see no point now.I loathe the sight and thought of you.The you,whom I once knew.So distant,yet not the reason of my despair.Do not concern yourself with thoughts of me,a shadow in your past.Our roads diverge here and our own routes have been marked out.Do not look back for this love is not enough for you and all that I can give.I lack the things you desire but this is all that I am.Take it or leave.You already decided in your subconscience and now the action remains to follow the thought.Why am I even afraid to lose you when you're not mine?

Slow Withering

He walked till he could go no further.
He isolated himself and lived inwardly till he yearned for company.
By no fault of his,he had to succumb,
Desecrating the traditional values.
The culmination of a life worth living.
Gone now with the passing rapids,
The wind,the spruce trees,the leaves of which wilt,and regain life soon after.
Unlike him.

To Christopher McCandless

Having absolute freedom to do as he pleased,
Energy levels soaring,
Projections of the summit,
The beginning of the ascent.
Nothing stops him and he lets nothing try.
Reaching out till the furthest limit.
Exuberance.

Lost

Came into my life without an invite and disrupted my mind,
Built up my hopes and then left me yearning.
Leaving me happy in my make-shift happy world,
An unrealistic world where my dreams shatter at dawn.
Every new day brings false hopes,a false sense of security.
Living in my own world of pretense,
Finding solace in the memories.
Attached yet detached unwillingly.
Tell me yourself when you want out.
Compelling you is not my intent.
Lost in a world of singularity.
Find me out

Here,in the far corner of the room,
The white light trickles in from a gap in the window,
the mere fact of my existence revealed through the sound of my uneasy breathing.
Now you know that i am indeed here.
Yet,you will not come to help me,
Despite all our promises.

Everlong

"Nothing lasts.What a shame that is."
"Some things last..."
Imagine the beauty of an everlasting something with someone who means a lot to you.Or just immortality.I am not talking about Tithonus by Lord Alfred Tennyson but there's something beautiful about living on.I would like to go back in time and start from scratch and then,once I have things going for me,live on that way.Maybe that is too much to be asking for.It is.But we're all living to find happiness at the end,right?How one goes about doing it is secondary.Maybe living in my dream world and finding solace there is silly and I'm only fooling myself and will end up waking up to the brute reality of life but at this juncture,that does not matter.I am happy living in my little facade that I have created for myself.
Distances intervene.Partings are made. Life does not wait for any one.
"Life is like a blanket that is too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night." ~Marion Howard